you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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