halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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