You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We are all done wearing pants today
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
