haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
