Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
