i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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