perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize