That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
