I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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