that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
