Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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