I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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