I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
