Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
