I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize