No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
