plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
