eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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