i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
