Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
