last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
are you so shy because you have an std?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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