Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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