Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You just made me feel so damn special
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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