oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize