while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
