saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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