it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
