i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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