i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
