I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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