My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
