Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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