booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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