No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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