Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize