well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
