Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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