can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
