i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
