I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize