it wasn't lemon gatorade
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize