She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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