That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
