11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
