I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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