party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
