hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
