I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
