I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
