Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
