And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
