Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
