I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
