i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
