i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
