I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
