so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
