Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
