I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
honey bunches of taint.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
