if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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