Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
