I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
